All of Me
by AnnieMJ
Summary: They say time will help your love leave me alone. If that's true, then why am I still hurting and why am I still here? Why can't you leave if you're already gone? None of that matters anymore because my heart can't hear reason when it's still breaking.


**All of Me**

* * *

**A/N: **A lot has been going on but I apologize for the wait and once things settle down, I promise I'll continue my story _Never Letting Go_.

This short song-fic is based on the song _My Immortal_ by Evanescence.

This may make a lot of sense or it may make no sense.

Playing the song might help.

* * *

**Mikayla's POV**

_I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears…_

Please don't go. Please don't leave me. I need you. I love you. It's you. It has always been you. It will always be you.

I want what you have. I want my heart. That's you. If you leave, you'll be taking the biggest part of me. If you go, I won't know how to live.

Why were these words lodged somewhere in the back of my throat? Why couldn't I just spit them out before I let her go? She was never mine. She was always mine. I knew that when I had her, I'd have to let her go. I knew I wouldn't get to keep her. I always knew she'd have to go, but if I was aware of that, then why am I so broken that I didn't tell her all the things I could to try to keep her?

It's been so long. So long. She's gone but I still think of her.

I'm still right here. In the same place I was when she left. I'm stuck and I'm scared. I want to cry but I'm afraid of feeling so weak.

_And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave_

I know she had to go. But why doesn't she go? If she's gone, why does it feel like she's still right here? Deep in my soul. My body was overcome with emotion. Emotion that she's causing.

Please go?

I know we can't be together. I know. I swear I know. It's all that I do know. More than I know myself. I know I can't have her.

But if I can't have her, why won't she leave me? Her body is gone, she's so distant; then why does it feel like she's still here?

_'Cause your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone_

In a crowded room, I see her all around. Every person reminds me of her. She's still here. Please, leave me alone. My breath is hard to find. My words are lost. My heart is still breaking. My body is paralyzed. My mind replays her name in every sentence.

The skies seem darker in the day. The moon seems duller at midnight. The sun is blankly burning my eyes. The wind is passing through me.

Her presence surrounds me as I lay alone in my bed. I feel her here.

And she doesn't seem to leave.

_These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase_

After all this time, the pain still resounds just as much as the day she had to go. My wounds are deep and still open. With every moment that passes, they bleed more. New scars surface near the old, rooting deeply, cutting intensely and it can't be changed.

I can't be fixed. The past was too beautiful and now the memories make it raw.

Time was supposed to help me, but the pain still lingers. I can't hide from it. I can't deny this.

It's just too real. She's just too real.

_When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years_

"Shh, baby, shh, it's gonna be okay." I whispered as she clung to me. All of her strength was put forth in holding onto me. Her tears were soaking through my shirt and her body wracked with pain.

The kind of pain that transferred from her to me. The kind of pain that was squeezing my heart and threatening to kill me. I never wanted to see her cry this way again, but it's not the first time and it won't be the last. I don't mind because I'm here and I'll always hold her. I'd always wipe this liquid despair away.

She was so afraid of the world. She was so afraid of herself. Of the people surrounding her. Afraid that they'd leave her. That they'd stop loving her one day. She was scared to admit who she really was. She was afraid of everything. Of everyone. She'd scream and yell at me, telling me that I deserved more, but I stayed. I always stayed. I'd grip her shoulders or hold her face tightly between my hands. I'd make her look at me and I'd yell back. I'd fight her fears.

I'd always reach down and hold her hand, just so she'd know that it's hers to take.

_But you still have  
All of me_

Even though she's not mine and I'm not hers, even though so much time has passed, even though she may belong to someone else, even though we're not meant to be, she still has me.

Whether she wants it or not, I haven't strayed. I'm still here. She may not even need me. She may not want me, but she still has me.

_You used to captivate me  
By your resonating light  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind_

I'm at a standstill. Her memories are so bright, so vivid. She was so alluring. She pulled me in without trying. Once together, it felt like we could never part. The bond was so strong. It didn't dare to break.

Now I'm forced to live without her.

Moments of despair continue to find me and I don't know if I should live or if I should die because though I still breathe, I do not feel my breath.

Though my heart beats, it seems to beat slower every day.

Though my eyes are open, they are lidded and barely see what's right here.

Though my blood flows, my body feels cold.

It doesn't end. This cycle goes on and on and I want it to stop.

Why am I bound to breathe when I cannot be with her?

Why do I bother to live when for so long I have been dying?

_Your face it haunts  
My once pleasant dreams_

If I shut her out of my mind, I lose. She forces her way in at night. Once these lidded eyes close, she appears as though she's never left. My dreams were once welcomed, but now they are a world of nightmares, reminding me of just how much I have lost.

I want to stay awake but I have to visit her when the lights are off. It's the one way I can have her. I can feel her even if she's gone. It hurts the way she haunts…

_Your voice it chased away  
All the sanity in me_

I don't know what happiness feels like anymore. If I think of her for a moment, I feel happy before the pain crashes down on me and rips me to pieces, bringing me to my knees, digging my hands into the ground, searching for her.

I'm depressed in different languages. I listen to the saddest songs to avoid her voice breaking through and greeting my ears. I know it's just a hallucination when I hear her whispering how much she loves me.

I've lost my sanity. I've lost myself. I've lost my heart.

It's not broken yet because it's still breaking. It has yet to crack, but with every passing moment, it gets closer to completely shattering.

I do so much to forget, but it doesn't work. Her voice. It's my most depressing song. It's so beautiful. She's so beautiful.

The after-effect of her love is tragic, but it's still beautiful.

She's chased my life away and left me empty.

_These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase_

I know none of me seems rational. How can one person feel so much? I don't know. No one should feel what I have felt. No one. It's too much. It sounds insane, but this pain is real. It's coursing through me, threatening to end me and it refuses to be fixed. It refuses to leave and let me be.

I cannot walk away from this place she's left me.

I can't forget…

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along_

I have kept her with me. Her voice, her face, her love, her memories. I have not forgotten any of it. She's still with me. Encasing me in emotion.

I've drifted through with her resting in my chest.

When I lay down to sleep, I close my eyes and feel her climb in next to me.

When I walk down a busy street, I feel her move in closer and take my hand.

When I smile, I think of her. When I cry, she's the reason why.

Then I open my eyes to realize that I've been alone.

She's here even when she's gone.

And she has all of me.

Without realizing, she still has all of me.

* * *

**The End**

* * *

**A/N: **_The interpretation of this is left to the readers. I miss you all and will upload something sometime soon._


End file.
